onyxx

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About

"In love with creating music that has a story behind it."i grew up loving music and the wonders it brought to my mind. so now, i want to provide the same experience for others. i wish for all who hear my works to not only follow my stories, but to also create your own. to me that is the magic behind music, the chance to escape reality.

stories

a dog that ponders

I started this project over a year and a half ago, and to be honest, I never expected it to go down the route it did. On a random day, I was sharing some of my music with a close friend when he mentioned to me that I should do an album that told a story about childhood and what it felt like growing out of innocence. At first, I liked it but eventually decided I wanted more than just a typical trope of a story. This led me down a rabbit hole of brainstorming and rethinking until finally I thought of the plot that I wanted. Fast forward to now, I have completed the project that I have been so excited to share. I can’t wait to hear about the stories or feelings you all may experience with this project of mine, but nevertheless, I just pray that my music reaches the people who need it the most.I have each title of every track within this story bold and italicized to allow you the listener to follow along with the music as well.Thank you to all those who enjoy this project and I can’t wait for what else is to come in the future.

the early days (part 1)

Days of youth as a dog are something I long for again. The simple mornings of waking up to smiles and constant patting; telling me how much of a good boy I am or how handsome I looked. It was times like those where I wish I had never taken them for granted.A dog’s dream in this world is simple (sleep, eat, play, and love the people they care for). I don’t remember the start of my dream, but a fond memory that I do have started with the family that took me into their arms. They were such a loving family; the first weeks of me staying in their care I was spoiled by affection constantly. As time went by, they would all start to address me by the word “Webster” except for the younger girl. She would call me “Twinkle;” she would tell me that it was because of my bright yellow fur that I looked like some of the stars in the sky that she would see at night. All was weird at first, but as time went by, I knew to always pay attention when hearing those words. Their love for me was wonderful; I was always excited to see them whenever they would arrive back home after leaving me alone for hours. The endless wonders I got to experience with this family were what made this life of mine such a dream. I got to sleep in the younger boys’ bed all the time, eat on an awesome schedule, play outside, and go on wonderful trips together as a family. This is everything a dog could ask for and more. At least, in my mind it was.A memory of the ocean breeze is what comes to mind when I look back on the many trips I took with this family. One of the first trips I went on was to a place called the beach. It was so much different from the backyard I got to play in; it felt like I was walking on some sort of powdered texture, and it would always get everywhere. I would have to be hosed down after playing all day in it, which I didn’t like, but the younger girl of the family would tell me “Twinkle I need to make you squeaky clean so that I can give you all the kisses in the world!” Once cleaned up, she would end up kissing me all over my face and I would always be the happiest when little moments like that would happen. However, that one moment at the beach stuck with me forever and not for the reason you’d think. When receiving all those kisses, she used to smell salty and fresh just like the ocean breeze. It was then that I realized, I was in a time of peace.As time went on, I noticed changes in the family. The younger two began to grow taller and look different, while the two older looking humans began to have a grayer look to them. However, none of that mattered to me because I was at a time of peace in my life. I got everything I wanted from these people; their love for me was endless, and that is all a dog like me could ever ask for.Those happy moments with the people I love were the best. There were many with this family that brought me joy; some small, big, or even plain ones. The trips we took were some of my favorite memories, however, there was an experience I had with the older gentlemen of the family that I believe to be my favorite of all.One random night, when I was sleeping on this big ol’ bed of mine, I heard someone in distress nearby. I got up and started walking towards the area in which I heard the noise coming from. As I butted my head through the crack of a door, I saw the older gentlemen crying. I had never witnessed him ever doing such a thing. I didn’t know what to do for him because ever since I had been a part of this family, sadness wasn’t an emotion that was common to see. I decided that the best thing for me to do was to allow myself to accompany him during this struggling moment. I jumped on the bed that he was sitting on and laid my head right on his lap. He began to pet me and tell me how thankful he was to have a bud like me, which was so refreshing to hear of course. Though, he began to rant about something, that to this day, made no sense to me. He spoke about something called a failed marriage and how he was hurt to see the special person he loved in his life choose someone else. I didn’t understand his words, but I was just glad to be next to him during that moment. I really felt like we had a great bonding session that night to keep it frank.The next day, I woke up to see the older gentleman and his special person (which turned out to be the older lady in the family) hugging. I guess things were fine all along, at least; that’s what I believed.Such a simple life I had looking back on it. There was so much happiness that came from the memories I made with my people, and I would never trade it for anything. In this world, it’s the little things that keep us all from going insane (even us dogs). However, this life we live is not always going to be fair to us, and that’s okay. You can at least say that when you made those great memories; you made them when it seemed like life was fair. When the idea of a worry was irrelevant, time was a notion of nothingness, and people were the joy that made your days. How I miss those days, those lovely days, and how I would do anything to get them back. There could be no price that would deter me from buying them back, but here I speak about them still, as nothing has changed since. That simple life I had was sweet like youth, but as youth comes it goes and so did the days of peace I once had.

deafening silence (part 2)

My mornings used to be filled with laughter and playful chatter amongst the younger ones in the family. Everything about those days was perfect, but as time moved on, so did the perfect mornings I used to enjoy. At one point in my life, the idea of humans leaving this Earth was just as simple as aging away, just like us animals. My perspective on life was that you can only live for so long before your time runs out, simple, right? I wish. I can’t believe how stupid I was to think like that, but why blame myself? I was so full of bliss and innocence.I remember the cold, quiet morning we had that day, with the sun hiding behind the clouds. I was already prepared for my morning routine, in which I would wait for the young boy and girl to begin to eat their breakfast, in hopes they would share it with me. It took longer than usual for them to begin until the young girl finally came and sat. She began to eat and was quiet during the process; she never really glanced at me either. I was so used to the usual chatter and attention that it was unsettling for me to be in such a scenario. I knew something was up but as a dog, what would I know about human emotions. Once the young girl finished, she left without a goodbye and as for the young boy, he never came to eat. If anything, I didn’t even notice him at all that morning. I felt something was wrong, but I ignored it. What innocence I had during that moment, I was truly blinded by what I thought to be the perfect world I lived in.That same morning, a human had “aged away”. Though, it didn’t occur in the way I believed happened for every living being. Time had no play in this one; it was merely a spectator.The screams of the young girl were what shot me straight up out of my bed that morning after breakfast. The shrills echoed throughout the house like a siren would throughout a neighborhood. The girl was hysterical. I reached the room from where all the screams were coming from. She was shouting things at the young boy like saying, “WAKE UP!” “WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!” and “DON’T LEAVE ME, PLEASE!” I couldn’t understand what was happening, I remember trying to sniff the young boy and then being hit on the nose by the girl saying, "GET AWAY WEBSTER!” She had never hit me before, but what stood out was the fact that she didn’t call me “Twinkle”. I was startled by it because she had always called me “Twinkle”, that was her favorite name for me. I just remember beginning to whimper in fear because of her yelling and hysterical behavior. I didn’t understand why she was acting the way she was; I was just wanting to help her due to the stress she seemed to be in. It was then when I looked at the young boy once more and saw the gashes on his wrists. Blood had poured from the wounds and continued. That was the last time I ever saw the young boy. The last time I would ever play fetch with him, eat his breakfast, or get to sleep under those warm covers of his. He taught and showed me so many wonders in my life, but the ultimate lesson I learned from him was that time is not always the leading reason for death in this world. No, for death can be chosen early by the selfish demise of humans either against themselves or against others.Some time had passed since the incident of the young boy. I watched “a family that moved on” but still stayed in place. A house that was once filled with laughter and joy was now nothing but either bleak quietness or jarring in commotion. I would constantly hear the old man and woman yell at each other off and on, which led to many restless nights for me. Their fights consisted of blaming one another over the young boy’s death, one sleeping with another person, or questioning why one hates the other so much. During all that drama, I began to see less of the young girl, as she would stay locked up in her own room. I missed her during those moments; she used to be the light of my day. Every day I woke up hoping she would come out and see me. On the days she would come out, I was not even a thought in her mind. She would walk by me without petting me or talking to me. Even though I couldn’t talk to her, I just wanted to feel included in some way. I wasn’t used to this type of environment, but there was no way to escape from it. I had become ingulfed in it and just had to live on, hoping that things would get better. They didn’t."Hurt by selfishness". I couldn’t see it at first, but it didn’t take long to finally realize it. With the young boy gone from the family, I noticed changes in my day-to-day routine that were not normal. Ever since I was brought into this family, I was always fed three times a day. Once in the morning, then a little snack at noon, and then finally a final meal at dinner. I always knew when those times would roll around, I was so good at it that I would do little dances in front of my bowls to get my family's attention. They would always laugh and tell me food is on the way with such big smiles. Though, after the incident with the young boy, I had to do my dance countless times just to manage to get the attention of someone. I would be lucky if I just got a meal a day. Sometimes I wouldn’t even eat for days at a time. This family that once cared for me, tried their best to forget my existence."I was neglected by choice". I didn’t want to believe it, but as the days passed, it became more obvious to me. I had no one to rely on. No one. I began to miss the young boy. If he were still here, he would love me. He would still care for me, feed me, play with me, and take me on great adventures. I wanted to be heard; I wanted the family that was treating me like this to hear my complaints. Yet, I have no words to say. I’m just a dog. Even if I could have spoken to them, would they have listened to me?“They are full of flaws, yet I still love them” is what I kept telling myself. I didn’t want to give up on the ones I loved, but they made it so hard for me to try. It never made sense to me, why did these people have to suddenly make it so hard for me to love them? Do other people act like this towards their dogs, or was I the only one to ever experience this? I wanted so many answers to my questions, like why did the young boy decide to die? Everything was so confusing and tiring to me, and I just wanted things to be back to what they were; when we were a joyful family. I tried to bring that happiness back to life; though, it seemed to be more of a burden than anything.During those harsh times I faced, I would get sick often. In general, I was hardly taken care of. Barely being fed, beaten, and kept in a cage all day. Because of all this, I began to be severely anxious about everything which caused me many other problems that were never issues until then. My sickness brought great dread towards the others in the family, especially the young girl. She was mainly forced to help clean me or my messes up when I would have an episode. She would always show the same expression when helping me out. Her eyes would be completely empty from thoughts, and her demeaner would come off as soulless. I didn’t recognize her anymore. There were many times I would try wagging my tail or licking her face to cheer her up because I never liked that look she gave me. After many attempts, I gave up; nothing ever changed. She was the last person that I was trying to hold on to. A certain question began to race in my mind after all those struggling attempts I tried with her, “what did I do to make you hate me.” After my mind became aware of what reality was, I never wanted to be reminded of the ocean breeze ever again.“Years passed and nothing changed.” I dealt with the unfairness more than I wanted to. I was continually put in positions where I knew no better and was harmed for such. Life was nothing but a numbing cycle until changes finally occurred. The family that once loved me no longer wanted me around; as if I hadn't figured that one out already. I remember the day I found out I was no longer going to be around these people. It was a boring day, long and full of nothing eventful, as usual. I remember laying in my cage that day when I heard the old man talking to the young girl saying, “I think it's time that Webster finds a new home.” I felt a sense of relief when hearing those words, I thought to myself that I could finally escape this endless cycle. I must say, looking back at that moment I couldn’t have been any more foolish. Because in the end, nothing changed for me. This numbing cycle was just the beginning.

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